Focus on you

Too often I hear people talking about what other people have, or what someone will do, or how it isn't fair that someone received this or that.  In order to fully achieve happiness and contentment we have to learn to quit comparing ourselves to others.  For example, if you see someone that is destitute on the street asking for money it is natural to have mixed feelings about it.  Of course (and unfortunately) there are some that will take advantage of the situation, but most people that you see are probably in a tough spot and truly need assistance of some sort.  Therefore, you can either ignore them and make yourself feel better by rationalizing that they would spend what you give them on booze or drugs, or you can do something to try to make them feel better such as  giving them food or money if you are able, or having a conversation with them if you don’t have the necessary funds.  If they choose to use the money on alcohol or drugs it is not your concern, because you did what you could do to help.  In other words, you need to do the right thing, regardless of what you think someone else will do.  Trying to justify your own inaction benefits no one, and only creates the bigger problem of apathy.  People are often too worried or persuaded to act in a way that they think others will appreciate or respond, but I think it is more productive and reasonable to act in a way that reflects who you want to be.  Life may not be fair, but if you act and react on your own instinct and volition, it is more productive than responding to the expectations of others.  I realize that everyone may not have this point of view, or may have been burned in the past by a bad experience, but I believe the only way to get past that is to have a new experience that may counteract the previous one, or renew your faith in the human spirit.

Poetry to fill the void

It has been a while since I have posted, and while I have many ideas I would like to write about currently, none of them have come to completion yet.  I exercise caution perhaps a bit too often, but to make up for my absence I will post a couple of poems I have written over the years.  I will be back this weekend to expound more upon the beauty of life, but until then I hope you enjoy!

Extrasensory
Telepathic waves
transcending
telephone wires
hovering
in the proximity
of an ephemeral
experience
As particles and waves
scatter
through dissolving
light,
dust stands solid
upon
precarious perches
and can only
be seen peripherally
Kinetic pieces
manipulating hands
to restore the velocity
of rusting rudiments
A rite of passage
accomplished
through thoughts
and imagery
of silence. 

The Angst of a Writer
Blinding white glare
Staring me down
Challenging
Threatening
Intimidating
Absorbing all of my energy
To create it's brilliance
And yet I feel it necessary
To somehow connect
And soil it with my pen.

Throwing Stones

We don't like people to point out our flaws, but when we take a stance that we refuse to analyze, we open ourselves up for negative criticism.  Judgment will only shatter that funhouse mirror you look into that reflects your perfect self. Choose your words carefully, and give your opinion, but not at the expense of someone else.  Quit telling others that they are bad parents, bad Christians, bad seeds, etc. because that only fans the flames and fuel the fires, which then extinguish any hope for learning, change, and growth.

I'm not perfect, and I have made many mistakes in my life.  I have tried to be kind and do the "right" thing most of the time, but there have been moments where I have veered from that path or hurt someone unintentionally.  Sometimes we react to something and speak before we think.  It is amazing that one word can make all the difference in how the meaning of something is perceived.  However, part of the reason I started to write this blog is to continue to improve myself and to make sure I have learned from my past.  I don't have all of the answers (or really any for that matter) but I can pause before I write or speak, which gives me time to reflect upon what I want to say.

We don't like to be wrong. We say that "everyone has a right to their own opinion," yet we don't often put this into practice.  The problem with opinions is that they often reek of superiority.  People judge, belittle, and condemn others who are different and who differ in opinion from them, and they show little respect for one another when debating the opposing sides.  I have yet to see a productive conversation emerge on Facebook (or in the comments section on other websites) that result in people having a legitimate discussion about their beliefs and ideas, without it being filled with personal attacks and trivializing insults.  Therefore, little can be accomplished by yelling and repeating, restating, or repeating our own point of view.  Instead, it may be beneficial to believe in what we choose, and live our lives as fully and as closely to that point of view as possible so that we are personally fulfilled. Express your concern for others, but after you have respectfully addressed them, let them choose how to take it. 


You have to find your own Truth and implement it accordingly, but if that truth results in harm (physically, mentally, or ideologically), prejudice, or discrimination  to someone else, then I would try to persuade you to rethink your Truths and truths (yes, I believe there are capital T "Truths" and little t "truths", but you don't have to believe that too, if you don't choose to.)

L...O....V....E

It is a simple, one syllable, four letter word (in it's English form), yet it stirs more feelings within that are sometimes indescribable.  Some people think it is overused, yet others insist it is not said enough.  We often wish we had said it more when someone that we love is gone, but we want to make sure it is always sincere when we do say it. We pursue it, we crave it, we desire it, some kill for it, while others pay for it, but the majority of us just hope that we have the opportunity to experience it in its entirety before we die.

I believe the most extraordinary part of our existence is our ability to love. Love is all around us, but we sometimes overlook it's subtleties. Love permeates our everyday loves: We cook and bake with love, we listen to love songs, we hope that love heals old wounds, we write poems and novels that center around love, and we talk about enduring and unconditional love as the pinnacle of this state.

Of course there are different kinds of love, but romantic love is the source for all the angst-filled, tortured teenage years that lead us to moments of desperation, foolishness, and giddiness. This leads us to ultimately pursue our soul mate, so that we can share our lives with someone.

It starts out with the anticipation of the first kiss, creating the butterflies within our stomachs, and bringing a flush to our face.  With our hearts beating faster, we leap into love just as a child jumps into a pile of autumn leaves: whimsically, joyously, and without caution. If you are lucky you find the one that will continue to create goosebumps upon your arms by a mere brush of their lips upon your ear or neck. To voice how much you love creates an upwelling of tears to your eyes, because it overwhelms your entire being.

True, pure, unconditional love is not fleeting or judgmental,  nor does it have boundaries.It is the ability to share oneself completely and feel as comfortable as a warm blanket on a cold, bleak day.  It is being able to deal with complexity, but appreciate simplicity.  It is enjoying the silence, and embracing the conversations.  It is the mutual belief in one another that is accepting and welcoming, no matter the circumstance.

I am so fortunate to have so much love in my life, that it rains down upon me each day, showering me with its exquisite beauty.  It is my hope that all of you may experience this type of love in your lives, just as I have, because it changes your perspective, and makes you appreciate every moment. 

P.S.  With all of my gratitude, I dedicate this post to the love of my life. Without you I would not be writing this, because you encouraged me to start this blog, and you build my confidence every day. Thank you for inspiring me with your commitment, strength, devotion, and loyalty. You continually make me feel like the most loved person in the universe, and that holds more meaning than anything else in this world.

More than two sides to every story

There are generally two opposing sides to everything, with a lot of gray area separating the two ideologies.  Our society seems to have an affinity for diametrically opposed ideas, which ultimately leads to division.  This division often leads to derision, arguments, anger, and nonacceptance.  Is this intolerance a lingering side-effect of the oppression that has clouded our history, making it difficult for us to accept change? Or is it more because we are often unable to identify with others who are different from us, or resentful that they embrace their differences; thus, making it easier for us to condemn or banish them from our social realm?  

We tend to define others as we have been raised or taught to see them.  Our perceptions drive our beliefs, just as others derive their truth from their perceptions. The definitions of what is acceptable and good has been set by those before us, and entered into our histories so that they can be passed down to us to uphold as true and right.  We, as a society, often take up these definitions in order to be accepted and on the “right side,” because redefinition requires revolution, upheaval of the norm, and it insists that we challenge the foundation upon which these perceptions and expectations have been set.  It is much easier to go along with the majority than try to defy, and ultimately change, such a large societal construct.  

We live in a time that is hypercritical of anything unusual or different.  Fear often seems to underlie these criticisms and rejections, and perhaps now is the time to analyze the root of these fears because they lie in the social and cultural constructs we have developed.  By refusing to: meet in the middle, compromise, or walk in someone else's shoes you limit your  ability to fully experience life and you miss opportunities to learn and grow.  In order to progress we must learn to be more open and accepting, and remove the ridicule and scorn from our perceptions of sociocultural constructs.  Rather than meeting difference with fear, we should try to be more curious and want to learn about our differences, so that we can embrace our diversity rather than stifle it. By opening ourselves up to concepts that we fear, we find the many shades of gray that exist. These shades fill the void between the opposite ends of the spectrum and allow these ideologies to intertwine and become less conflicted. 

By taking steps to categorize and classify, we tend to forget and/or mitigate the importance of anything outside of the labeled or accepted categorizations.  Additionally, we often assign rightness and wrongness to most of the characteristics we classify.  I realize that we have to do this in some form so that we can learn from our mistakes and to recognize danger, etc., but if there is a way to restructure this process so that we don’t associate an immediate good or bad quality to someone or something, then perhaps there could be less injustice, prejudice, discrimination, or hate. 

I think often times we exaggerate the differences to feel more unique within the overall societal context.  We want to feel important or special, so we try to differentiate ourselves from groups by defining our character in opposition to other people.  In the end we are all human, which means to me that we should all try to work together, and quit trying to tear each other down, so we can make a positive impact and contribution to the world.  (Perhaps my last sentence is overly idealistic, but I would prefer to see things optimistically, rather than create conflict and dissonance.) 

As with anything, I think it is important to maintain a balance.  As a society, I think we too often we reach out to find the Truth about anything and everything, and expect it to be black and white.  I don't think that there are very many certainties in life, rather I think there are several things that are held in a balance and easily tipped.  If there are two sides to everything then it makes it easy to be a follower of one side or the other, or even an extremist, so the fringes are littered with individuals who are unwavering; however,  it seems to be more useful to actually be the balancing point, to ensure that each side can even out and find compromise and solutions, rather than ongoing conflicts.  As humans, I don't know why we have such difficulty accepting balance, and why we try to flock to the edges. 

People often can surprise us if given the opportunity, as we have seen examples of this time and time again in popular culture, but we must give them the opportunity to be heard.  We must be more careful with our words and actions, because we wouldn't speak to someone we just met on an individual level in the same way we write.  When posting a blog, a Facebook status, or anything on the internet, it is easy to write sweeping generalities that can be hurtful, insensitive, and overstated.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Jiddu Krishnamurti: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”  I believe that people are often so eager to fit into society that they unquestionably accept their norms, which leaves them adrift in a sea of conformity.  For those who stand up for themselves, or who refuse to hide behind the masks of normalcy, it becomes increasingly difficult to find a voice that can resonate over the masses. 

Finding our way

It can be difficult to sift through the cacophony of everyday life.  We have to search deeper and focus on the bigger picture, rather than becoming weighted down and mired in the pressures and stressors that we face.  This can be even more difficult if we are in a circumstance that we don't like (such as a job we hate, or a bad relationship).  We are changed by the moments we live in, and it isn’t always for the better.  Unfortunately, I spent quite a few years too long in a career that I came to despise.   I almost allowed it to suck my entire soul from me, and I didn’t recognize the person I was becoming.  I was pessimistic, brash, irritable, combative, and generally cantankerous through most of my days. Fortunately, I finally escaped and it revitalized my perspective and my life.  I restored my faith in humanity, and I reverted to being kind and hopeful.

So how do we overcome these trying instances to realize and remember what it all means?  We have to get our “cows off our doormats,” as my English teacher used to say (she was an amazing woman, but that is a blog for another day).  In other words, we must implement change and quit waiting for change to come to us.  We have to delve within ourselves to make the changes necessary that will allow us thrive. 

Be outrageous. Be spontaneous. Be inspired. Be inspiring. Be adventurous. Be creative. Be more than what you currently are, and more than what people expect. Most of all: Be the person you have always wanted to be.  Quit wasting time, stop bickering or wallowing in pity, don’t be a victim.  Instead, focus your energy in the positive and amazing world around you, and if you don’t see the “amazing”, then CREATE it.  It may seem like an impossible feat, but unless you take the steps to try, then it will always be impossible.  Now is the time to stop making excuses and actually begin living our lives in a way that makes a difference.  I know it’s not easy, and sometimes may feel utterly unattainable, but if you make one adjustment each day, eventually it will become easier.  

Don’t allow people to tell you, “that’s just not the way it is,” or that “one person can’t make a difference.”  If one person couldn’t make a difference, then we would not have penicillin, religion, cars, music, or anything of value.  We would still believe that the earth was flat and that the sun revolved around us.  All it takes is one person to forge the way, and the world will follow, especially if it is for the betterment of us all. If we all live with this mindset, ultimately it will be the way it is, and we will have made the difference.   

Success, happiness, and the pursuit of finding oneself

Ralph Waldo Emerson defined success in a way that transcends time.  It is not dependent upon the skyscrapers or money. It is not founded upon notoriety or fame.  It can not be measured in currency or weight or height, but it can be measured in smiles, gratitude, and respect.  So often in this day and time we get caught up in the rat race and we allow others to mold our self-image.  We too often forget that we are more than our job or our net worth.  Our ambition is generally fueled by avarice for power or money or status, rather than humble means.  Perhaps that is how we became a "Prozac Nation."

I propose that we rebuild and reconstruct our self-worth by doing something every day that makes someone else smile.  Try to find something that you can improve upon each day to validate your existence on this planet.  Make the world a better place by contributing rather than consuming. Listen to the whisper of your soul in the wind and follow your dreams, while making those around you smile. In return, you may find that the corner of your lips turn up more often than they did in the past, because you are actually pursuing true success.